Everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better - Mates of State, "Get Better"

Well, to wrap up the cliffhanger from last post, i got the job. phew. you can take a breath. i will be wearing that cool uniform afterall!!! and i got my jacket this week. it is probably the nicest jacket i've ever worn. like seriously. it's gotta be closer to 500$ than 100$.

check this video out. you don't even have to watch it, just listen and absorb and love. i love this band! thanks to collin.

so thanksgiving was awesome. we went to boise. a few good things came from that trip. here are a few things: 1) 3$ tees at forever 21. 2) 10$ tees at urban outfitters. 3) amazing dresses that we got to try on!! we couldn't buy, but alas we got the designers' names and looked them up online. click here and here for details.) holy cow, they are gorgeous. I particularly like the second website better. They are more modest, and i actually tried on that one on. And, trivia for today: Bettie Page was actually a pin up girl model way back in the day, and i guess she's bringing her style back! it's definitely back. i am still determined to bring back red lipstick, so if i ever do get the money to buy that dress, that will also be the day i wear red lipstick. :)
(by the way, never do an image search for her. she did like 40s porn. yikes.)

This is Bettie in her prime years and when she's 80 yrs old:


I wonder what i'll look like when I'm 80. hopefully still hot enough to sport red lipstick like she is. ha!

back to my list...
4) I will never eat another hamburger again. one of our thanksgiving olympic games was a 1 lb hamburger eating contest at Big Jud's. Ugh, i could have thrown up. I could feel the grease slowing down my heart as i continued to stuff the freakishly huge burger in my mouth. thinking about it makes me want to throw up.
5) i got to hang out with tresa's family!! they are so great. i hope my family is like theirs one day.

so that's pretty much it. also, i have a pretty rockin' schedule for next semester. i am taking the following:
-Dinosaurs (fieldtrips is mainly what we'll be doing)
-Percussion (i've always wanted to learn drums!)
-Creative Writing (i'm taking it with glen - he'll be a great person to have in the class with me)
-Health Psych (blah blah)
-Psych 304 (blah blah, just another class on how do to tests)
-Weight training (yess, i'm going to gain muscle finally)

is that not one of the coolest schedules ever??

"i just wanna be ok today..." - ingrid michaelson

my life dream is on the line. i spent my evening trying to have an enjoyable shakespeare reading of twelfth night and texting/calling people like mad trying to find a pair of skiis and boots to take to my SKI INSTRUCTOR TRYOUTS TOMORROW. UGH.

i gave up. and so tomorrow i'll be calling them before i drive up there, begging them to let me rent some. i want to wear that uniform so bad. *sigh* i don't know, i guess it wasn't meant to be.


it wasn't meant to be.

if you know me at all, you'd know that's the tagline to my life.

also, i don't know why i let some things bother me so much. horomones really do affect what bothers me and what doesn't. the chemical reactions going on in my body shock me sometimes.

halloween, pilgrims, and indians, Oh My!

i have embraced the christmas spirit!! it's true - i have skipped thanksgiving for the first time ever, just like the rest of the world has been wanting me to do the last 5 years of my life. seriously, has anyone else noticed how christmas decorations come out in stores sooner and sooner? this year, it was right before halloween!! i was shopping for last minute halloween candy, and as i was grabbing a bag of finely wrapped snickers bars and kit kats wrappe in orange and spiders, the lady was replacing it with red and green m&m bags with snowflakes. unbelievable. thanksgiving is just a nice big dinner that kicks off the christmas season. doesn't anyone have respect for the pilgrims and indians anymore?

so like i said, i watched Elf last night. and honestly by the end of the movie, all i wanted to do was cut out paper snowflakes, sing christmas songs and wear an elf costume. and you know what, i can't do it anymore. i can only kick against the pricks for so long. today at target, heather and i bought christmas pajamas. it's no elf costume, but the striped red and white knee socks certainly help with the look. and we also jammed to christmas songs on the way home. i still have yet to make paper snowflakes, which by the way, haven't done since probably early grade school.

Random:
1) Hardball's big # tonight was missouri's last time they picked the losing presidential candidate: 1956. apparently they got it wrong on nov 4. and had to recount. go figure.
2) one of these days, i am going to call the provo "singles" hotline they advertise only after 11 pm. all those hot people on tv do it, why can't i ?

so i think i'm going to write out my christmas wish list:
skiis/boots/poles/skull candy (!)
hannah montana's death
shaving cream wrestling match
dvd player
legit tea party
my own tv show
new laptop
a pony. like this one.

gift cards from the following places:
-nordstrom
-banana repubic
-zumiez/DP
-buckle
-los hermanos
-ruby river

yeah that's good.

BSA

I also love this song. Oh Rilo Kiley, you hold my heart: i want your voice.
and here is my special tribute to rod stewart, who i never thought would deserve a tribute pour moi. but here i am, loving this song as well. i listen to it about 5 times a day (ever since Collin introduced it to me, that is.)

in other news, i finally watched Elf for the first time. t'was good. had many a good line.

something i learned today is that banana splits are not the only things that make me happy. in fact, learning new vocabulary while doing a service (freerice.com), catching up with old friends, and cuddling are just a few on the list. i know i have to change my cognition, as i had a relapse of banana splits this week - 3 total - and this is sort of my "BS Anonymous" statement.

no pun intended. :)

Cabooses

I'm taking creative writing in the winter, and i should probably start practicing. and now that i've created expectations, i am going to dash your hopes to pieces. (glen was kind enough to introduce me to a website of creative nonfiction, my personal favorite. and now i will be so kind as to introduce it to you.)

so, lately i've been noticing how some guys have better looking butts than i do. i'm pretty sure in the gender rules handbook it says that girls must have better butts than boys, and yes, i feel as if i'm violating the rule. let me just give you some examples of people i know.Is it just me or do these 2 men have finely shaped backsides? don't call me lusty, becuase i'm not in any way, but i will openly admit that yes, they do take care of their bodies, and i am sensitive to what is attractive and what is not. which makes me reflect on how i'm definitely not taking care of my body. blast! so well done, gentlemen, for giving me that gentle (or not so gentle) reminder of how i should be working out on a regular basis. (yes, i did take the second picture. wait, tresa did. good ol' nate.)

"I only want to make you happy..." - Nada Surf

i love the sneaker pimps. they are such a rockin' band. this is my favorite song. i will have you know that first, it is a crappy video. so just listen and don't let your eyes influence your ears. i first discovered them while watching one of my favorite movies - can't hardly wait. seth green did such an amazing job. my life is qualitatively better because of that movie. (new favorite phrase, by the way.)

today i was going to get a snack from the vending machine, which i should mention i just rediscovered - somehow vending machines and i lose contact with each other, but then make a reunion sometimes during the middle of the semester. it's kind of like that boy you always thought you'd date but never do, and then consider it the few times you hang out, here and there. you're not best friends, you're not that interested...so he just gets lost in the mix of things, which is exactly my relationship with vending machines. we like each other, but we're just not committed. so as i was going to get my snack, i was reminded of this story i read on this girl's blog once. she said that for a class assignment she had to do something nice for stranger. she decided she would buy someone a drink from a vending machine. however, she was so nervous about approaching them that she couldn't do it. so, instead she put money in the vending machine and left it, hoping someone would notice there was already money, get excited and buy a drink. she sat across the hall some so she could watch to see who her lucky victim would be. after 3 people not seeing her anonymous gift, she was a little frustrated and was about to take the money back. then, a gentleman came and analyzed the drink machine and the rest of the machines deciding what he wanted. he then pushed the coin return button on all of them and took the change, including hers.

today, there was no change in the machines. i got an Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate muffin. i can't NOT get the spunkmeyer if it's available. it's always moist, and melts in my mouth, and...chocolatety goodness. mmmm. my favorite. :)

a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do.

My pride took an immediate downward spiral in a matter of 3 hours. I don't really feel comfortable explaining the reasons why (obviously, as it is my pride we're talking about) but i will say i'm grateful for it. i feel like a new woman. i have a rejuvanated spirit about me. i am going to be better than i was before. I mean wow.
i offended someone entirely based on misinterpretation, and i am baffled and rather shocked at that. I can't say it's common for me to experience being misunderstood, even though I know it's inevitable it will happen, but i mean, i just don't understand how i could be misread by such a large margin. i guess what i'm trying to say and not saying very clearly (which is apparently my problem) is that i live in a bubble believing that people understand exactly what i'm saying or doing at all times. i know this is a fallacy in my logic, but i don't think that's going to change. or, at least i didn't think it was going to until after my 3 hours of gaining humility. i hope that now i can be more cautious and open to how i'm coming across. really.

here's some things that i know i do.
1) i'm a chatty person. sometimes that comes across as flirty. sometimes i mean it to come across as flirty, other times i'm just chatty because i'm happy.
2) honestly, i prefer male relationships over female ones. that does not mean i don't have deeply meaningful and wonderful female relationships.
3) my values are in flux. i am more strict with myself at some things during certain times. weird, i know. and this isn't a conscious thing. i have just recently recognized this pattern in my life. and i think it might offend people. thus the reason i'm posting this.
4) i procrastinate and do things that are openly contradictory. this is perhaps the most conscious thing on this list. examples are the best way to explain.
a) i have to study math for the GRE. i hate math. thus, i know i won't study it. so, i am the kind of person who needs a tutor. i don't know what it is, but if i have someone else in the room with me, discussing problems, etc. telling me i have 15 min before i can quit, i am most likely going to be motivated and successful. now, this seems odd considering i know that the tutor doesn't necessarily need to be there. the answers are right there. but, i just need someone to make me feel responsible. and yes, i guess that is a weakness of mine. but at least i know what it is and i am trying to get around it. it's really hard for me to feel responsible to learn math when i can justify not learning it for a list of reasons. anyway.
b) i need a reason to wake me up in the mornings. otherwise, there is nothing that will get me out of bed before 10. i don't understand it, and quite frankly it's slightly embarrassing, but if i don't have a job that will fire me if i don't show up, i will not wake up. not for class, not for a date, not for mostly anything. i am amazed i get up for church meetings on sunday that start at 9. i wake up at 7 every sunday! it's amazing to me. but monday-saturday, i'm out.
so as you can see, all of these deal with responsibility. and i know i could change the root problem of accepting responsibility, which would then allow me to not waste time coming up with ways to make me do stuff, but i have not been successful at all in doing so. moral of the story: do what you have to do to make it work.

also, i'm 22 now.

I was tagged!

So i occasionally visit my sister-in-law Lora's blog, and i noticed she tagged me for a survey! So now i must fill it out.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. I was in 6th grade running varsity cross country with my older brother. i qualified for state.

2. I lost in the spelling bee that year to my first ever boyfriend, jack.

3. I visited chicago with my mom that year. i think. that, or washington DC. one of them was 7th grade, the other was 6th, i can't remember. And that spawned my love for traveling.

4. One of my best friends growing up, Whitney, moved into my ward that year.

5. My induction to the young women's program! best times of my life.

5 things on my to-do list:

1. Get a job that pays well until i graduate.

2. Graduate, and then get a job that pays well.

3. Move out of Utah.

4. Gain more self control.

5. Find someone who i think is amazing and who thinks the same of me :)

5 of my favorite snacks/food:

1. STEAK.

2. Salad.

3. Ice cream, usually chocolate.

4. Halloween candy.

5. Los Hermanos

5 things I would do if I was a billionaire:

1. Get a new wardrobe.

2. Buy a business.

3. Buy my dream house.

4. Travel everywhere

5. Go to the graduate school of my choice.

5 bad habits I have:

1. Thinking i'm right most of the time.

2. Less self control than i'd like to admit.

3. Forgetting that God is in control.

4. My lack of energy to work out as much as i should

5. Blowing off math as much as possible.

5 Places I've lived:

1. Louisville, KY

2. Provo, UT

3. Rexburg, ID

4. Namibia, Africa (4 months)

5. Tokyo, Japan (4 months)

5 things most people don't know about me:

1. I've been to 5 out of 7 continents (australia and antartica are still on my places to visit)

2. I probably love my dog just as much as anyone else in my family

3. I love art. and it's probably because every time i tried to play a sport growing up, i injured myself to the point where i couldn't play. and so i became an art kid.

4. Even though i'm going to be a counselor, sometimes i hate talking to people.

5. I've broken my arms 3 times each, not to mention other broken bones/injuries. My parents were on a first name basis with the emergency room for the first 10 years of my life.

update time

It is weird to know i will be graduating in april. I know i've thought about graduating, but i can't say i've thought through the mechanics. i have no idea what i'm really doing afterwards and frankly, it scares me.

But, so far so good this semester. the new ward is a bit weird - all the cool people that were left from our last huge move all pretty much left by this semester. We have some really fun girls that moved in, but the boys are severely lacking. oh well, not like that's a shocker.

I would post some pictures of the good times that i have had since the beginning of the semester, BUT somehow my facebook account was hacked, thus facebook disabled my account, at least for the time being. so all 35 of my picture albums are currently unavailable to me right now.

I'll at least tell you that blessed mark threw a fantastic costume party. and i'm throwing a cowboys and indians party for my birthday/halloween. i've also been on a few good dates, which of course nothing has come out of them...but still good. AND tresa and i are currently involved in a series of pranks on various neighbors.

oh, and i'm definitely one step closer to being over a certain someone as of today. and i can't express how good that feels. :) i can't say it's all the way gone, but almost. so very very close. in retrospect, i knew this would happen. ironic, considering i always swore this would never happen to me. but whatever.

Say No to Cavities

i know why i hate the dentist. and it's not because of the drilling, yanking, filing, filling, tugging, stretching, pain...it's because of the incessant questioning of the workers about every detail of your life as soon as you walk in that front door. (doesn't he just look like he's full of annoying questions?)  

we've been going to the same dentist now for about 5 years. and they still don't feel like they know me. because apparently i have to tell them what my major is, what school i attend, and what i do for fun every time. the doctor doesn't do that. maybe if you get one of the silly nurses, but for the most part, i'd say the doctor is about 50% less annoying than the dentist. i'd rather sit in his waiting room for 30 minutes than to have to answer the same questions i've been asked by the same people, one question and one person at a time. i wish i could just walk in, sign the appointment sheet, and then say, "i'd like to make an announcement." then the entire office staff would gather around and i'd make one huge claim, "for the love of humanity, please take notes. i'm a psychology major at byu, yes i do ski a lot when i'm out there. yes, my family is fine. paul has a year left on his mission. any more questions can be mailed through snail mail only, or call up my parents. they would love to answer." or maybe i could skip the intro and just say, "don't dare ask me any questions. thank you." i thought today i could pretend that her instruments in my mouth could keep me from answering any dumb questions she might have for me today, but alas i was wrong again. she would take them out of my mouth so i could answer. which then meant i couldn't NOT address the fact she was waiting for me. i couldn't fake not hearing her, and i couldn't blame the utensils. man. i'm pretty sure if she hadn't taken so much time for me to answer so she could get back to business scraping my teeth, the whole cleaning session would have taken half the time. and yes, i tried one word answers. but for her, she just kept prodding. some people are really good at understanding the meaning behind one word answers, others...not so much. 

if you couldn't tell, i really can't stand the small talk. honestly, they are only applicable questions during speed dating, or a good conversation relating to a topic. otherwise, i feel like it's just meaningless chatter. it fills up the space, makes people comfortable - except me, clearly. and i actually had a discussion about this in one of my classes actually, personality 351. the point was "meaningless chatter" keeps people from connecting; truly addressing real issues. hasn't anyone else recognized why most blind dates are terrible? there was one date i went on where me and the guy actually had an amazing conversation. we talked about politics, philosophy, etc. and the little bits about where we were from, etc. came out during it. we skipped the chatter and went for the gold. i wish i could say we went on a second date, but apparently he was crushing pretty hard on another girl at the time, who he eventually became engaged to. 

so.

sometimes the chatter is necessary for social gatherings, such as parties where you don't know anyone, weddings and funerals usually, etc. that's tough. and i usually do pretty bad at these occasions. that's why i've decided i need to end up with someone who is really good at it. well, good at faking it at least, or we'll both be social outcasts.

moral of the story: don't get cavities.

Something More Conventional for Me Halloween '08

Let's be serious for just a second. 

Have you ever been in a situation where you have done something, said something, or to go further, admitted something you probably shouldn't have? In which case, the effect it had on other people was that of utter disgust or complete confusion to the point where you or the other party(ies) has either tried to forget it or will never ever let you forget it? And yes, you might be proud of whatever your action was, but somewhere inside, tucked away in a dark corner, you wish you could take it back? But of course, outwardly you would never deny the said decision? 

Yeah. 

A Look at Last Wednesday

I know you are all dying to know how Moulin Rouge went down. 

It ended up being Steph, Madison, Amy, Heather, Meg and I. We had the best spot in the whole amphitheater. Total girls night too. And the movie...wow, we are all swooning over Ewan McGregor by the end. So cheesy (literally) and so fulfilling (literally). If i ever crave a chic flick again, i will make sure to include that movie into my list of choices. 

Unfortunately we all forgot our cameras except heather, who we did not press to take more accurate photographs of the night's events. However, we did manage to get these photos taken:

This is actually a terrible picture of the stage. We were pretty high up, but hopefully you can tell how large this blowup screen really is. Also, not many people in the stands below us. Most everyone was on the hill with us. 

This is me failing miserably at trying to be sexy. I was suppose to be striking one of those can-can girl faces where you sort of pout your lips and give the "i'm sexy and i know you know it" stare downs, but alas, this is what happened instead:

 

 Doesn't that outfit rock though? With my coat and seven jeans, i killed it. I think i am starting to sound vain in my blog. ha! oh well. 

This is was suppose to be a shot of the french bread and the 3 different cheeses i brought: brie, laughing cow, and goat cheese. Madison, pictured here with me, made crepes, and brought all the delicious makings. She also happened to sport a gorgeous coral/salmon colored jersey-material dress with some nice black and gold heels, coupled with a thick belt around the waist and a leather jacket. She didn't exactly hit

 the Bridget Bardo look, but she also killed it. 

 

Last but certainly not least: the guests of honor! Meg and Heather made it out :) I was happy new people could join our entourage. 

So as sad as I am that I could not make it out to see Harold & Maude this evening, i did have a pretty awesome time with my Pete and Lora and the 'rents here in KY. Dad BBQ'd some filet minon's and we partied it up with Jones sodas and the Olympics. Woot. I am going to try my hardest to remember to take some pics, but I can't make any promises. 

Typing Away Insomnia

Of course it is 2:46 AM and of course, i am wide awake.

I am luckily on the tail end of my cold, but my body really hates listening to me breathing, and therefore my heavy breathing is keeping me awake. I figure i have 2 options: take drugs to make me passout, or stay up until i'm so tired that i pass out when i finally give sleeping another go. I don't have any drugs. Therefore i chose blogging.

Any exciting news?
I met the owners of my apt today. They are really nice people from michigan. the daughter moving in, danielle, is a sophomore who seems pretty chill. They are getting us a new stove (!), painting our kitchen and my bathroom green, and installed updated light fixtures. Danielle also is supplying a brand new 32" flat screen TV complete with a modern entertainment center, which i'm sure will look fabulous next to our leather couches. i suggested we keep the african theme going, and therefore all my decor that i bought while i was in namibia will be finally making its debut. Stop by and have a look! I'm pretty excited about the whole bit.

It occurred to me as i was staring at my window in the dark trying to catch some Z's that i have a pretty fabulous life. I mean really. I have an awesome apartment, awesome friends, family, school, outlook for the future...yeah. I felt so satisfied. Feel satisfied. This fall is going to rock in more ways than one, that's for sure. First, i have friends in tons of neighboring wards. I am taking some really amazing classes, and i am going to make some serious cash once i am made manager of the booting company. I guess trevor and dave have landed some fatty accounts, and therefore i will be training soon. Until then, i will be making even more considering we don't have to split the amount in 4...just 3. Doesn't that sound like everything a girl could ever ask for? I mean, minus Edward Cullen. But he is fictional after all.

Tomorrow i fly home to KY for a week. (That's a picture of downtown Louisville at night from Indiana's side. My house is roughly 20 min. from here. And that's a picture of our temple, just in case you ever wondered. My ward met in the church building which shared the parking lot.) I am pretty sure i'll be bored most of the time, but i'll be bored in KY, which is not provo, UT. So that'll be nice. i will be lounging in my pool for most of it, i'm sure. And maybe a trip to King's Island if i'm lucky.

Today at FHE we played sand volleyball again. i really enjoy playing with the ward, as i don't feel like i suck as bad as usual, lol. Last time we played, Austin spiked the ball right into my face. Tonight, Travis spiked the ball right in my face. That's 2 for 2. I don't know what it is, but games that involve balls have it out for me. I don't think it's much of an exaggeration to say that 7 out of 10 times, whatever ball it is will somehow come in contact with my face. It is a wonder how my nose hasn't broken, bled, or been bent out of shape due to this fact, because have you seen my nose? It's not like it's inconspicuous or something. Then again, it's not horrendously huge either. Like i said: a wonder.

Kyle Paiser came to visit tonight too. He drove us up there to Helaman after i got home from yoga. He gives really good hugs. And he bought me and Tiff slurpies afterwards which was also really nice. Thanks Kyle :)

Also noteworthy: the yoga instructor i have a slight crush on talked to me again today. Today i saw him go from a head stand straight into a dolphin stand - where you are inverted resting on your forearms only. I know it doesn't sound like much, but believe me, there is no way i could ever even dream of doing that. It takes SO much upper body and core strength to push up onto your forearms after you are already inverted like that. Also, he can practically keep his body horizontal to the ground with only his hands on the ground. That is a little easier to picture, and equally if not harder to do. Gosh. He doesn't even look ripped either, just normal and fit, you know? Amazing.He has to be in his mid 30's, but he can do amazing things with his body, lol. I don't know if that last qualifier has anything to do with his age, but it's true. I have to admit, if he asked me out, which i'm 95% sure would never happen, i would say yes. That mildly creeps me out, as he is the only man in his mid 30's i would ever consider. This last pose is one that i just learned how to do not too long ago. Along with the head stand, this is my favorite pose to do. I feel cool doing it. And yes, he taught me how to do it in one of his classes, haha. Did i ever mention that my other favorite teacher is my alter-ego? She's pretty much the biggest hippie in happy valley. There you have it folks: if i were not me, i would be her. profound.

I finally got to see one of my best friends from college!! Heather is back! :) She stayed with me a couple days. I warned all my male friends that everyone falls in love with her, and it became a reality when i gave 2 of my guy friends her number after they asked for it. Let the dating begin! I do have to say though, if i had to narrow my friends down to one person i look up to the most, it would be her. She has so many qualities that i hope i can develop. Heather, i love you. Oh, and her family lives in New Zealand right now. And she invited me to go home with her for christmas, the sweetheart, and if my parents agree to pay for it, i am going! How amazing is that?! After i spoke with my mother, she said that her and dad were talking about taking our 2 weeks in our time share and using them in Australia/New Zealand over Christmas anyway. What are the odds? This is a picture of one of Auckland, New Zealand's beaches. Her parents live in a complex literally on the beach and yes, it will be summer there over Christmas. I can't imagine a better Christmas, honestly. Heather's family is amazing, and i would love to spend it with hers and mine. *Sigh*. I told her that if she ends up dating someone and brings them back with them to visit the parents, she still has to agree to bring me too, lol. She said of course. YES.

It's been and hour and half and i think i'm ready for bed. G'nite friends :)

"All we can do is keep breathing..."

Colds have to be one of the most annoying sicknesses. They are just bad enough to put a damper on your normal life so you feel like death, but not enough to get any sympathy from people. And let's face it, the latter is the best part about getting sick.

Call this what you may, but i remember as a kid i would relish whenever i got sick. i milked every opportunity i got, usually by getting my parents to feed me in bed, rent my favorite movies for me, stay home from school, my dad came home from work on his lunch break to check up on me, they let me sleep and NEVER WOKE ME UP...not to mention i got to skip school. It was the freakin' life when i got sick. 100% attention from my parents, every desire fulfilled, and my brothers couldn't ruin it for me because hello, i was ill.

The 2 movies i would always have my dad rent for me was A League of Their Own, and For Love or Money. Both of which, for whatever reason, remain 2 of my favorite movies to this day. Maybe it's the sentimentality, maybe it's the great acting, the love story, or not, but i now own both of them and will be watching at least one tomorrow.

Yes, i am sick. I have caught a terrible cold which has prevented me from being able to breathe properly, and i am now under the influence of nyquil and ingrid michaelson currently. "All we can do is keep breathing..." how ironic. i love this song by the way. I'm pretty sure it's due to our soaking wet carpet that is now breeding mold due to a very finicky air conditioner. That, or taking a sip of jim's slurpy the night before.

Unfortunately, i don't have my parents here to feed me in bed.
Any takers?

And can i please just say YYYYEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! to the men's Olympic swim team. YES. Jason Lezak is my hero. Take that, "Frenchies..." LOL i loved how that one guy on our team called them "Frenchies." i almost peed in my pants.

Let the good times roll

I am only on page 200 of Breaking Dawn because i can't bring myself to finish it. But i will be reading my next chapter after i post. Such a bittersweet existence that i live.

This week has been incredible. I got to see Motab and the some other famous LDS artists such as kenneth cope, hillary weeks, michael mcclean, elder oak's daughter who plays the violin like no one else, and a few others. My evening with jim went very well to say the least. Our outfits matched that night, like strangely perfect, and i wish we had taken a picture because we didn't even plan it at all. Let's just say we were stylin' :)

I also learned how to wakeboard!!!! it is a lot easier than i thought it was going to be, and if i had had enough guts and had my back not been KILLING me, i would have tried to carve. but baby steps i find is often the best way to go. my back is just now getting over it 3 days later.

I also find that getting everything out at once is also a good idea, like ripping a bandaid off. it stings for a little while but it's nice to know you don't have to worry about it anymore.

wednesday was Tootsie up at Sundance. and i must admit, i almost like dustin hoffman more as a woman than a man. (yes those 2 pics below are definitely BOTH him.) no wonder people love him - he was so good in that movie. and bill murray!! no wonder he became the star of his own movies after that role. Sundance hasn't let me down yet...well, minus my first encounter. but you can't always trust a first impression.


Next week is Moulin Rouge, like i mentioned before, and i am dead serious about
sporting corsets with berets. steph madison and i are definitely doing it, and we're going to get loaves of french bread and that good spreadable cheese, and madison is bringing crepes and all the toppings. it will be a french soiree never to be forgotten. :) If i had no morals about the way i looked in public and were it not so cold in the mountains, i would definitely want to come dressed like one of these girls. but no worries, i will be classy.
oh, and here's a shout out to grant, who is now gone back to oklahoma. sad day. and for mike, who will shortly be getting a bike of his own, which he will then teach me how to ride :) for when i get my own bike in april.

MARK YOUR CALENDERS!!
Perseid's Meteor Shower starts Monday night. However, I believe the best night will be Tuesday, as it ends Wednesday. A group of us will be getting together up at Sundance around 9, probably at the amphitheater to watch it. Bring blankets and good company, and definitely dress warm :) call me with questions!!

I love ya...tomorrow...

Tomorrow i get to go boating with grant's family, lol. i am pretty dang excited. i haven't been on a boat in ages, at least since 10th grade, which was the last time i went with my neighbors the Palmers...i think. i can't even remember. i do know that ever summer, they used to take me and paul with them camping down to Nolan lake. it was so awesome. we'd spend all day out on the boat for like 3 days straight. that was the life. tomorrow will be all day out on the lake and then jim and i are going to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir perform their new album in the tabernacle in salt lake. i'm really excited for that too. basically, i have a pretty rockin' day tomorrow.

i have to say, i am baffled by "awkward" situations. tell me, what is it about awkward that makes people cringe like hearing nails on a chalkboard? what is the exact definition? people will do whatever they can to avoid those situations, or to get out of them as soon as possible, to the point of lying, running away, pretending, etc. People will do awkward things to get out of awkward situations. And i'll tell you what...i say we all just calm down a little bit and let reality set it. we're all just people, are we not?

split personality

Am i immature? mildly.
Am i ok with that? i'm dealing with it.
Did i down a 32 oz. big gulp of dr. pepper at 2 AM this morning with the rest of my now n' laters? most certainly did.
When i just brushed my teeth, it looked like i was spitting out blood.
Do i think that's cool? definitely.

here's my dilemma: i love wearing business woman suits, including hot pencil skirts, expensive pearls and collared shirts with sexy black heels. I also want to work at the store DP who specializes in selling Volcom, skiis, snowboards, and other relics of that style. in fact, i want the job for the discount.

i like to go to work, pay my bills, work out, and eat healthy. I also enjoy staying up late, watching movies, eating candy and icecream, and spending my money recklessly.

does one of these sides eventually win? i hope not.

Breaking Dawn

Today was the opening day of Breaking Dawn, and yes, i like millions of teenie boppers around the US waited in line tonight at midnight to purchase my own copy. Why i'm blogging tonight instead of reading intensely, is because during my hour long wait, i happened to meet an upcoming 8th grader and her mom who was right behind me. That girl was so cute, she kept giving me high fives, and asking me questions about my life. I felt like a wise sage for a brief second, and i have to say...it felt nice, lol. nice to realize i might actually KNOW something about this crazy world we live in. Granted, we didn't exactly talk about anything grand, but the fact i knew she was looking at me as an "adult figure" made me feel pretty important. As we finally approached the counter, i also mentioned to them that Borders members got a 40% discount. They said they weren't members, so i slipped her mother my card when the register guy wasn't looking, and after they paid, she slipped it back to me. Of course, they were very grateful, and then we parted ways. I was definitely grateful myself to have the company, and to be able to help someone. It felt good to be there with hundreds of people, to bond over this one book. I definitely got to meet some nice strangers tonight. I wish we had more community gatherings like that. In any case, pay it forward, friends, pay it forward.

New skill i acquired today: Japanese art of folding t-shirts
And yes, in case you were wondering, i did have my 5th banana split tonight with the same toppings as yesterday, which i'm convinced might be the best combination ever. Sorry Janey, we will go next week :)

i love the...list.

There are only a few things that really blow my mind.

1) the 80's. for real. i watched I <3 the 80's episodes today 1984 and 1987, and i just can't get over the...horrendousness...that was allowed to come from this decade. wow.

2) people who take pictures to make it look like they're having tons of fun. it's one thing to document your trip, quite another to take a trillion pics of big-grin-right-in-the-lens. get over yourself.

3) danny devito.

Yeah, this list is longer; however, i can't get past these 3 for now.

As for the positives of today's adventures:
1) michael ian black might be one of the funniest people on tv.

2) I am on my 4th banana split for the week. today's toppings: hot fudge, caramel, and reese's blast topping. YES!

3) thank you joel for going with me, and trying to teach me The General on guitar. If I had to learn one song on guitar, that would be the one. The General by Dispatch.

4) jim and i played scrabble today and i know...i know. it is the most boring game ever, but i looooveeeee it.5) i think i am acquiring a mild crush on my yoga instructor.

6) today at work, i ran Hugh Hefner's 2nd cousin's credit. what. turns out he lives in Fort Lauderdale. and his name is Jay. legally, i'm pretty sure that's all i'm allowed to say.

This one's for you, Janey

I gots to say i love me some reader feedback. Janey, that made my day even sweeter.

I had a day off today and i didn't really know what to do with myself, so i went to the boys house who live across the street and hung out with them. Still no luck with getting a ride on his bike, but no worries, i'm still working on it. Seth, if you're reading this...i love you?

Just a few comments for now:
1) I made spaghetti today for the first time today in probably a year. I then made it again an hour ago. I forgot how delicious noodles covered in Paul Newman's tomato concoction could be. Mmmm.

2) Who does Paul Newman think he is? Actor turned chef? Come on!

3) I went up to the Sundance outdoor movie night again tonight. It has become a tradition, and I absolutely plan on watching every single one. In 2 weeks is Moulin Rouge, and i recently put forward a plan to have a French food picnic (early, so we could save the good seats) and wear sexy corsets...ok, maybe not corsets, but definitely berets.

4) The movie tonight was HILARIOUS. There were so many good one-liners, i wish i had a pen and paper to write them down.

July 30: Adventures of Power
(2008, Ari Gold)
In his quest to become the world's greatest air-drummer, a small-town dreamer must overcome obstacles and ridicule to save the day.

"Being called an arm pit is not a disgrace...without armpits, we'd be buying rock n' roll from the chinese!" Oh man, i wish i could remember the rest. It got really good by the end, and it's definitely one of those movies that is WAY better the second time around.

5) Can someone please explain to me all the commercials for male-enhancement? Every time i wait for the punch line and the SNL skit to come out on stage...but nope....supposedly it is a real problem with our men today.

6) I have now had 3 banana splits this week. And it's only Wednesday.

7) I also attended my first muay thai class yesterday, and my abs hurt so much. The girl who taught it (Tandi Ogden) had the most amazing body. (I know, i am aware the banana splits are not helping my cause.) She was way tough, and i felt like the biggest pansy next to her. (Yes that is her pictured.) She has a fight up in Canada in September. She said, "Gosh, i hate fighting in Canada. My fan base isn't as strong there." I could not relate to that at all.

8) I am watching a That 70's Show episode, and they just made fun of "Fat Aunt Martha." I really hope i never acquire that nickname. Also, I would like to try ice fishing before i die.

Yep, that pretty much sums up my day.

Sometimes Time Doesn't Heal

I feel like a broken arm at week 5.

And i know exactly what that feels like, too. I've had 4 official broken bones in my lifetime, ranging from ages 1 to 13. #2 broken arm had a hot pink cast just like this one featured on a stranger i've never met before. But whoever this little girl is, we share the fact we had hot pink casts when we were little. The last 2 broken arms i had, i knew it immediately. #3 was while i was at school, during recess playing dodgeball. (A game i still dominate, by the way.) This kid fell on my arm, who later became my first boyfriend ever (go figure), and i immediately went to my teacher and said, "um...my arm is broken." there was no crying, no screaming, as it wasn't necessary. Plus, i had to be tough in front of my class, right? But there's something about pain that accompanies broken bones that is unlike all other body pain. It's breathtakingly painful for the first 30 seconds; then it's dull, throbbing. It pulsates like mad for the first day, like you are feeling every heartbeat in the broken spot...and there's nothing you can do but watch it swell, turn blue and black, and wait out the pain. After that first night, you feel like you're ready to chew off whatever limb (in my case, 3 arms and 1 ankle) you are trying to salvage, because the pain is now so deep, and just...dull. The dull pain is the worst. It never goes away. And sure, you could live off painkillers all day, but that's not going to make it go away. It always comes back. I found out a trick - if you just live with it for a few days or so, sooner or later your body becomes use to it, so you aren't conscious of it as much.
How true that last statement is, I'm not so sure, as it's been quite a while since i've been 13.

Looking back on all the times i've almost died, or experienced "shock" is an interesting excercise. I was trying to remember when the last time something crazy happened to me in that department, and not counting all the near car accidents i've been in, the last time i had a tragic accident was my senior year of high school in my printmaking class. We were cutting up linoleum (pictured), making a design in this 6x6 square. My design was pretty cool i thought - a dragon fly from top view. The prints turned out horrible of course, but the linoleum version was pretty sweet. As i was digging out the linoleum one day, the cutter came flying up and hit my left pointer finger palm side, right across the joint. It definitely killed, but not any different than the other times i'd accidentally scraped my skin a bit. No, this time i looked down and blood was pouring down my hand, all over the table, my print, my jeans. i was like, "whoa!!!" and ran to the sink. i thought it would stop, but the water stayed red for a matter of minutes. My teacher was off somewhere, so i told the TA i was going to the hospital to get stitches. (Another physical disaster i'm no stranger to.) That was a pretty cool day as i got to miss class and all, and my dad came to pick me up as i couldn't drive with my hand in that condition.
Needless to say that was the end of my crew (aka: rowing) career. i got 5 stitches, and passed out while i was getting them. Yes, i have a pretty cool scar. I don't know about you, but i have become the biggest wuss when it comes to blood. The last 2 times i've given blood for doctor reasons, etc. i have passed out and thrown up. They say it's all mental, but i can't accept that.

There are a few reasons why i love the music i do. One of which happens to be because the lyrics really touch me, and right now, I love this song by Jack Johnson called "If I Had Eyes." There's a line that says,

"Sometimes time doesn’t heal
No not at all
It just stands still
While we fall"

And I think i like it because i can't stand it when people tell me "time heals all." Because I, like Jack Johnson apparently, don't believe it. There are some things that will always remain broken. Read the lyrics to the rest of his song and you'll find out one of them. And even though time might have something to do with healing broken bones, it certainly does not assist the 24/7 dull pain that accompanies that stupid broken bone that feels like it will never heal. As a matter of fact, it is only after so long of living with the pain that one day you wake up and realize, "Hey...my arm doesn't hurt."

Fight Night

I just had to write and say how thankful i am for the free 1 year pass to the new Throwdown gym on state street. Apx...you really got me.
Today was opening day, and I am an official member now. Tresa and I went to watch the Affliction fight, and i signed up for 15$/month so i can get a one-on-one training session with the teacher of my choice. The girl who sold me said, "there are a few cute ones..." and she winked at me. i said, "are they cute and single?" she nodded. "done" was my last word, and i handed her my card. Soooo not only am i going to finally learn submission wrestling, i am going to learn it from a single, good-looking fighter. wow.
As for the fight, i finally got to see andrei arvloski, who tore up! and of course the Fedor/Sylvia fight was amazing!! basically the russians took over and spanked america tonight. (I don't want to give away anything just in case someone reading this plans on catching up with those fights later.) i am so impressed with the gym, and at one point, a guy came over, introduced himself, and was like, "umm...are you girls here by yourselves?" tresa answered, "yeah...she's the one who loves it. i just come with her," and he laughed. he was like, "wow, that's awesome - get more girls in here!" turns out he is the owner of the gym. I think i'm going to work out a deal where if i get some friends to come, i could get more free classes. :)

Afterwards, we went to chili's because we were both starving. as we were leaving, this boy was like, "hey, what are you guys doing right now?" i was a little leary as he was wearing sunglasses at 11 pm, but tresa answered, "we're going to see the rest of the silva fight" (there were 2 live fights on - affliction and ufc fight night) and he was like, "wow, i am so impressed...we're going to watch it at our house right now...will you 2 do us the honor of following us home and joining us?" so we did. and i'm glad because they had an awesome couch and a huge screen tv with good sound. boys know how to live it up with the entertainment centers, that's for sure. (Silva also tore up tonight, fyi).
Unfortunately...3 out of the 4 guys were drunk that we knew of, and absolute idiots. the one that kept hitting on tresa was funny at least, and gave me tons of tips about motorcycles. if he weren't drunk, we would have ridden his bullet bike i found in the garage...dang it. stupid stupid stupid.
Funny story for sure. I haven't gone home with a stranger before, but at age 21 i figured it was about time. the one kid slid down the banister, and then almost cried because of how painful it was. the other kid went upstairs and passed out on his bed, and i think the 4th kid was actually wearing his G's and went to his room. (he was also the driver. that's why i'm not sure he was all bad.)

Also, i am proud to say that most of my time at work today was spent playing dodgeball and "helping" my team lead Emily with some of her work so i didn't have to take calls. i love my job. love it.

so to wrap it up, tonight i was reminded of why i hate drunk people, love fighting, and LOVE Apx for giving me that membership. AWESOME.

And this picture (gotta have one per post, right?) is a reminder of why i want to move. this was at the singles dance we went to. some nerd got in our picture when we weren't looking, lol. oh well.
ps. notice ben's "it's morphan time" pose. i will miss him.

A day of gain, a day of loss.

First, an update on my motorcycle kick.

Turns out, a bike with 1000 cc will kill me. I was informed of this by a friend of mine at work, amongst other seasoned riders, who said that a 250 would be perfect. The bike voted best starter bike is the Kawasaki Ninja 250R (pictured). And as i said before, i would buy it only in black. It's lightweight, very good handling, still powerful, 80 miles to the gallon, and a brand new 2008 is only $3500. I came up with a plan to get it in April of 2009, as my graduation present to me. :) Either i'll get the 2009 or a cheaper 2008 by then, I'll have saved up enough money booting cars and working at Apx, and be ready to move to huntington beach to use it all year round until graduate school. Pretty sweet plan huh? If there is one thing i've learned in my years at college, it is that plans are silly. So far, every one of my plans have seemed to fall through except graduating with a psych degree. And i've even questioned that a few times.

So, today i get to work and i get an email from my dad that says (this is copied and pasted):

"Martha, This is your Dad. Please do not sell your car for a motorcycle! The one and only reason I do not want you to have a motorcycle or ride a motorcycle, or anyhting like unto it; is that I could not suffer seeing you in a hospital with your skin peeled off of your body with your legs and arms broken. I could not suffer seeing you with your bowels outside of your body and your brains on the the road. I could not suffer seeing you be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life and feeding you through a staw. I am being serious, this is not funny, so quit giggling."

And yes, as sincere as it was, i started laughing out loud after i read the word "straw." The very next second my friend Grant goes, "what?" and then I read, "...so quit giggling." !!! i then laughed even harder, because my dad actually knew i would laugh. and i did. and that's never happened to me before.

Second, a misfortune story for the day.

So i told my friend steph we'd shop the Nordstrom annual sale today, which was AMAZING. i got very close to picking out the perfect pair of jeans!! they're as close i'll get probably. They are Silvers, beautiful dark blue, no holes, and just the right length to wear with heels (pictured). And of course they make my backside look fabulous, which is what every good pair of jeans ought to do (not pictured: this is a model). Then, i got this great black military style wool jacket made by Frenchi (also pictured). Basically i am ready for fall clothes! As we were leaving after an exhausting day of shopping, i was searching my purse for my keys only to realize they were GONE! i have no idea where i put them. i spent the next hour or so looking around to no avail. Steph, luckily, had met me there so she just drove me home. On our way out i saw Rod!! Best dressed man in the provo/orem area, btw. (old fhe brother who has now been married for over a year.) I had Travis take me back to my car after we watched Amalie at their apartment with some friends.
And here i am thinking how surreal it is to be keychain-less. i really hope someone finds them.

Grant, Amy and I got pretty camera happy today at work.

We then got in trouble for taking pictures in the call room. I guess they don't trust employees with recording devices with other people's social security numbers, credit cards, addresses, phone numbers of everyone they know...whatever.

Ps. Dark Knight was unbelievable. I'm still speechless over how incredible it is. More on that and Amalie to come.

California, here we come

I heard on the radio driving up to Riverton tonight that if you are averaging 15 miles a gallon, and drive over a 100 miles a week, you are spending something like over $300 on gas a week. I don't know if that is the exact mileage, but when i heard it, i immediately applied the math to my 2000 Honda Passport. Let's just call it even and say that would mean i'm spending half my paycheck on gas. Ugh. Something must be done.

...and that something is called the 2001 Yamaha Fazer 1000. (Yes, i would buy it in black and black only.)

Now, why this one? I haven't done that much research, but i do know that this bike is suppose to be less powerful and sporty than the R1, and is more "standard." I wouldn't want to be hunched down on a rocket for my every day experience. This is more upright, and apparently easier to control. I don't know how or when, but before i die i will own a motorcycle.

While i was in california this past weekend, i was taken out on our friend Nate's roommate's Ducati. It was a lovely experience, to say the least. The dream of owning one became a reality during that ride, and talking with him about it afterwards just made it more tangible. I could feel the breeze in my hair as he said, "Just do it." (And that wasn't because he was breathing in my face.)

Now, those of you who know me personally also know that I am not one for taking good pictures. And even worse, candid shots. But I got a pretty decent pic! Meg was laying down and looking up at me while i was talking to her about my book (which is funny in a very 1940's way btw) and then she got me! This also happened to be taken our first day at the beach, which i also have a new appreciation for because of our trip. I learned how to body surf (even though i failed 99% of the time) but at least i know how to do it now. I swallowed tons of salt water unwillingly, but it was so worth it. I have this idea that if you chew gum while you're in the ocean, the salt water probably wouldn't be so bad. If anyone is going to the beach soon, try it out and let me know. We left before i could try it out.

Also, i know that southern california and i have not gotten along very well in the past...but I dare say that I have also had a change of heart about that too. This time was so unlike all the rest! We lived it up like locals, going to the good shopping areas, hanging out with friends and family of friends, and walking to the beach...yeah. We made it up to downtown LA to visit tresa's cousin who lives in TYRESE'S APT COMPLEX!! Just to give you a refresher of who that is:

You might remember him from Transformers, various music videos, and other movies which I can't think of right now. The point was, I was at his apt complex. We didn't try and stalk him, but i felt pretty cool. It's silly to recognize that I could care less about famous people during normal life, but it's like the pre-teen switch flips on when i get close to someone famous. That one turns me googly-eyed, stuttering and frozen. *Notice: not to be confused with being twitterpated. I happen to think the twitterpated switch is a good thing. Man do i feel silly with my picture so close to his.

You might also know this little tidbit about me: I associate music with memory. Result: I have a playlist associated with our roadtrip. There's a lot of hiphop because for the last month and a half i have really soaked that genre in. *shrug*. You can listen to it on my facebook profile if you're interested. I think it's dope.

MIA - stake singles dance
Trick Daddy - Nate.
Sondre Lerche - I saw Dan in Real Life. Finally. Love that song.
Phantom Planet - While driving to dinner one night, us girls randomly sang that song at the top of our lungs.
Sugarcult - drive down.
Dashboard - drive back.
Fergie - meg
Sublime - my part of driving back
Nada Surf - jess.
Rilo Kiley - tresa
Blackstreet - i just love that song. period.

Figure 1


I have also become a recent fan of Arrested Development, thanks to a few friends, mainly Stephen Washburn. He has been trying to get me to watch it for years, and now that he is back from his mission, we have made it a goal to watch all 3 seasons. So far soooooo goooood.
The joke about never nudes came up when Nate gave us a slight fashion show of his recently acquired girls capri pants. Here you can see in Figure 1 that Nate is displaying the pull pair. You can't see it, but his butt looks better in these than any of us girls could even dream.
Figure 2.
As you see here, we turned them into Tobias's never-nude cut-offs, which Nate proceeded to wear under his shorts. He took them off, stuffed them into his hat, and then strutted around the beach. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure i heard applause coming from down the beach. He made lots of friends and had many a picture taken. Well done friend.

So that's my trip in a nutshell. I hope that answered some of those questions i've been asked! It doesn't really do justice, but rarely pictures do. Well...maybe Nate in never-nude cutoffs.

"We Were Only Freshmen..."

One of the best decisions I've ever made was going to summer school right after highschool. There was nothing back home but fried food and of course my parents, so I couldn't wait for college to start. I got so lucky, as my first roommate has become one of my best friends, not to mention the 2 girls who lived across from us, and then another girl who lived 2 doors down who also shared every one of my classes with. We honestly never had a dull moment. We were so different that somehow it was a perfect fit. Heather (far right)- British to the core, fun loving and always laughing. She comes home from her mission next week! She'll be back in Provo though in August; Tara (not pictured; she had left for home already)- the artistic one who I am convinced is the one who was given the "5 talents" and made 10 in the Parable of the Talents; Meg (next to me) - book smart, determined and so incredible compassionate; Tresa (second on the right) - sporty, cool, and the kind of person you would want to be seen with at a party. We had THE best time ever. This pic is from our last bonfire that summer before I moved.
Jess moved into my spot after I moved to BYU-I for that fall, and unfortunately I have never gotten that close to. But she is pretty cool as well, and all six of us have stayed friends for 3 years now.
That first summer, we took a roadtrip to california. Somehow we made it on less than 50$ per person, including food, lodging and gas. Corners were cut of course, by cramming as many people in the car as possible, eating peanut butter and jelly for 3 meals a day for 3 days (which Tresa ended up getting food poisoning and throwing up all over Hinckley 1100 floor the night we got back - again, it is a mystery how she got so sick and i didn't!) , and then sleeping in what turned out to be a prostitute hotel...needless to say, I will never forget that trip. We were beach bums for 2 days, went to the Newport Beach Temple open house, and window shopped. This is one of the pics we took at Laguna Beach.
The reason I bring this up, is because we're about to make a return trip this week, from Wednesday to Sunday night. Except this time, we're staying with our old FHE dad who lives a block away from Huntington beach, so no prostitute hotels. And we're staying for longer. We're going to do it right this time, and I am so excited. I already feel nostalgic.

This picture has all of us but Tara. Jess is on the far left. Tara got a boyfriend who she is getting married to July 25th, by the way, and thus is not in very many group pictures. This was taken at the All American Rejects concert, which was fabulous. My friends are so beautiful. :)


This was taken right before meg and i left for the summer to Japan. Heather was already gone for her mission, and Jess had moved back home. The four of us lived together for spring. That was the last time we were all in the same apartment. *Sigh* I miss living with them so much. Tresa, who is next to me in this pic, is moving back in with me in the fall. She is taking the balcony room *woot!* and it will be a little bit like it was before. Tara is in this one, on the far right. Love you girls.