"So far, I still know who you are" - Smashing Pumpkins

I'm sitting here watching Rhys Darby right now on comedy central, and I found this bit hilarious. Oh what the heck, watch this bit too.

But I can't stop thinking about my day today. I think it may have had a stronger impact than I thought. So of course, here I am blogging about it. (You know my journal is getting some serious silent treatment these days.)

Today after work I went to the adoptions agency to do my volunteer work. Today's assignment was to disassemble files from the late 90s. I got to read every detail I wanted about these kids who were placed for adoption. The weird thing is, they're all at least 10 by now.

There was one girl who got pregnant at 18 and the guy was 24. She wanted to get married but he didn't and told her if she didn't place the baby for adoption he would never talk to her again. So she did. In her records made by the caseworker, there was a description about how she really struggled about giving up her little girl. When it came time to sign the papers of releasing all parental rights, she started crying and said she couldn't sign just yet, that she needed time. The caseworker wrote that she waited outside the birth mother's room for 45 min until her mom came out and said she was ready. She explained it was the finality of all of it that made her scared and nervous but she knew she was doing the right thing. It broke my heart to think that this poor girl wanted to keep her baby and boyfriend, to start a family, and was flat out denied.

Another file I read was a girl who got pregnant while she was traveling through Kansas, and she didn't even know the guy's last name. He had no idea about a baby at all, and she said she wanted to be a single mom, at age 20. She had twins, Isaac and Isabel. She kept them for 2 1/2 years, and realized she couldn't take care of them. So she placed them. To this day, he has no idea. At least he didn't 3 years after the twins being placed.

There were stories of parents who didn't want their kids anymore for one reason or another, stories of rape, of one night stands being quite more serious than expected...and the list just goes on. I was teary eyed for a good 2 hours straight. I couldn't help but put myself in every one of their situations and contemplate what I would do. I just don't know. Being involved with kids in state custody and working with foster families every day has completely opened my mind to adoption and being a foster parent one day. Not that I shut out, I just never thought of it before. I have so much respect for these families that I work with. They serve every day. Their lives are not their own, and I feel honored to work with them. To me, they live a Christ-like life for dedicating their time and resources to helping youth who have been in trouble and are trying to get back on their feet.

2 hours of being teary eyed was kind of a trip, because with every file it started sad, but by the end of the file I was usually grasping my throat area with a huge smile on my face going, "Yay!" The happy tears came from reading about all the families who were so grateful for the children that were given to them. I read a ton of thank you letters, and each one was so special, so full of gratitude, and it occurred to me that adoption is just one step in the process of creating eternal families. Sure there are some dark clouds associated with it, but in the end, it's nothing but sunny skies. I talked to several caseworkers today as well about their job of matching families with children, and each one was incredibly willing to tell me how much they LOVE their job.

I may have found my new chosen profession. Oh grad school, you elude me. I haven't given up on you. I'm coming.

For my music selection this post, I figured I'd be straight forward. I haven't been for a while, so why not. I present to you my favorite song by Smashing Pumpkins: Perfect. So underrated. I discovered this fact and connected with this song on my solo 8 hr. drive down to EFY, and well...I'm not over it yet. The lyrics haunt me.