ME: ok so get this
i'm driving to work
on university
there's traffic
i'm texting my boss
8:11 PM listening to goldfrapp i think
i don't know
and i have no air conditioning
so my windows are down
and i hear this man's voice, "hey, no texting"
and i immediately without thinking say, "i hate you" out loud to myself
8:12 PM and then the light is green
and i don't bother looking over
to who said it to me
because undoubtedly it's a nasty (edited)
or some white trash freak
ANDY: it's a cop, isn't it.
8:13 PM ME: and so i'm driving
i'm done texting
and then i hear the same voice say, "hey baby"
and now i'm speeding up
and as i'm driving away i hear some very loud whistling
and then i hit another red light
8:14 PM and i'm thinking, "if this douche bag pulls up to me and says one more thing, i'm ramming his car"
and then it's green
and the lane next to me is lessening with cars
and i hear, "see you later," and i see a white arm out the window of this SUV and he's throwing me the peace sign
8:15 PM now
tell me
as you are of the male genotype
what is it with the screaming out the windows of cars at girls
this has never really happened to me
until the last month
and it's happened almost every day
8:16 PM ANDY: you'd have to ask a douchebag. that's not really my thing.
ME: i'm not even kidding, i have proof
ANDY: jeez, that's awful
I'm really sorry about that
ME: well
it's...
flattering in a way i guess
but
come on
you can't expect that to really work, now, right
ANDY: I wouldn't know. I'm not the one to try.
ME: not only do i feel like a whore
8:17 PM but it's cheap
effortless
classless
8:18 PM everything i'm not looking for in someone
so
if you could pass that along to any DBs
that could help
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
"How faint the tune..." - Les Paul and Mary Ford (RIP)
For elementary school I attended a private Christian school in the ghetto of Louisville. And when I say ghetto, I mean it. I remember coming home after school one afternoon, getting a snack, and turning on our 6" black and white tv that my mom kept in the kitchen. The news station was on, and there was live coverage of a murder scene, which turned out to be at the liquor store right across the street from my school. I just made sure it wasn't one of my friends and then turned the channel.
Everything about that place was so old. You should know the building first functioned as a hospital during WWII, complete with a dungeon and concrete staircase from the 3rd floor that was to be a fire escape, added some time in the 60s? 70s? The dungeon, where we had recess during winter, may have been the creepiest place ever. Our sick-minded librarian, Mrs. Moody, would tell us ghost stories every now and then during library time, and whoa, I just experienced a flood of memories I haven't thought about in a really long time.Wow. You know that show The Magic School Bus? And crazy old Ms. Frizzle? Yeah, take her character and add the 60s, a lot of pot, and that is Mrs. Moody. Needless to say her ghost stories were wacked out, and if only I had half the memory of a donkey I would give you some good ones. But blast it, I can't remember a single one.
As a 3rd grader, everything seems to bigger than it actually was. But I swear, every window in this hospital-turned-school was at least 10 feet high, the doorways were at least fifteen feet tall with extremely heavy doors, the wooden panels in the floors were outlined in thick black lines from decades of filth collection, every footstep squeaked, the halls echoed, the pipes in the ceiling were exposed, and all furniture could have been found in old movies. The place was heated with hot water heaters and there was no air conditioning. Cobwebs actually took up some of the corners. All the faculty were my grandma's age.
And that brings me to Mrs. Browning, my 70 yr old music teacher who taught us all about classical music. She was also obsessed with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and had all of their vinyl in her classroom. She occasionally would have them playing on her ancient turntable record player while we did worksheets. I remember feeling like her classroom was a sanctuary from the anti-Mormon vibe I would get elsewhere during school. At the time I didn't realize that vibe was intentional, but a few years later I got smart. She knew I was LDS and would smile at me when she caught me humming along with the hymns I recognized. I never heard of her dying, but I'm pretty sure she'd be almost 100 yrs. old if she were still alive. I'm sure she's still teaching 8 yr. olds about Bach and Schubert with her old records and cork board she would decorate that spotlighted a composer for the month. If not in this life, definitely the next.
Everything about that place was so old. You should know the building first functioned as a hospital during WWII, complete with a dungeon and concrete staircase from the 3rd floor that was to be a fire escape, added some time in the 60s? 70s? The dungeon, where we had recess during winter, may have been the creepiest place ever. Our sick-minded librarian, Mrs. Moody, would tell us ghost stories every now and then during library time, and whoa, I just experienced a flood of memories I haven't thought about in a really long time.Wow. You know that show The Magic School Bus? And crazy old Ms. Frizzle? Yeah, take her character and add the 60s, a lot of pot, and that is Mrs. Moody. Needless to say her ghost stories were wacked out, and if only I had half the memory of a donkey I would give you some good ones. But blast it, I can't remember a single one.
As a 3rd grader, everything seems to bigger than it actually was. But I swear, every window in this hospital-turned-school was at least 10 feet high, the doorways were at least fifteen feet tall with extremely heavy doors, the wooden panels in the floors were outlined in thick black lines from decades of filth collection, every footstep squeaked, the halls echoed, the pipes in the ceiling were exposed, and all furniture could have been found in old movies. The place was heated with hot water heaters and there was no air conditioning. Cobwebs actually took up some of the corners. All the faculty were my grandma's age.
And that brings me to Mrs. Browning, my 70 yr old music teacher who taught us all about classical music. She was also obsessed with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and had all of their vinyl in her classroom. She occasionally would have them playing on her ancient turntable record player while we did worksheets. I remember feeling like her classroom was a sanctuary from the anti-Mormon vibe I would get elsewhere during school. At the time I didn't realize that vibe was intentional, but a few years later I got smart. She knew I was LDS and would smile at me when she caught me humming along with the hymns I recognized. I never heard of her dying, but I'm pretty sure she'd be almost 100 yrs. old if she were still alive. I'm sure she's still teaching 8 yr. olds about Bach and Schubert with her old records and cork board she would decorate that spotlighted a composer for the month. If not in this life, definitely the next.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
"It's real love" - Regina Spektor
September 23, 2009: I'm finally Aunt Martha (*quick shudder).
Jayda may be the cutest little baby ever, but who doesn't say that about their family?
I love you, baby girl, I dedicate this song to you. (I'll teach you all about music soon enough.)
Welcome to our family :)
Welcome to our family :)
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"The sound of settling" - Death Cab for Cutie
If memory was a scale, this being one extreme and amnesia being the other, I'd probably fall on the side of amnesia.
Also, I think my biggest internet fad I found today is this girl: Tavi Gevinson. Somehow she has become a big deal in the fashion world. Even Yahoo did an article on her. I do love her witty tween charm though. I wish I was that innovative when I was 13. Maybe not with clothes, but definitely with the public relations side of things.
Which brings me to my next point. Is it so wrong that I wear clothes based on what other people think? I buy what's new and in the stores I like. I'm not a yard sale junkie nor a thrift store hound. Sure, I like vintage, but in a...revised...way? I really have nothing to add to this topic.
Not even kidding, this is the most stereotypical Japanese teen girl I have ever seen.
Since the NBA Finals, I have eaten pizza at least once a week. And I have probably had less than 5 banana splits since then. Which means I think my banana split craze has turned into a pizza craze. But banana splits are still amazing. And so is pizza. Maybe there's a way to combine both of them.
I think it's kind of weird that when amidst Christians, it's weird to bring up Christ out of nowhere. You'd think it would be ok at the very least, but apparently you're still crazy for talking about God in every day conversation.
And really, I have to agree with Alex that married people need to give it up and keep to their spouses. Today at work, I was doing an in-take with this woman who explained how her husband doesn't want to be married anymore because he's been having an emotional affair with another woman. What I really wanted to say was, "I am amazed that you would want to stick with someone who doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. You are awesome for believing in your temple covenants and I would hope that if I ever faced your situation, I would deal with it as gracefully as you are." But as a professional representing an agency, all I said were 3 words that came out awkward and misunderstood: "Wow, you're amazing."
So one of my friends was dating a total loser. The few of us who thought so would hum the chorus of this song whenever he came around. "Bop baa, bop baaa..." I know, I know. Passive aggressive and mean...and really funny. But that was when I was young and stupid. And this is when I write off my past as part of "growing up."
Did anyone else feel how cold it was today?
Also, I think my biggest internet fad I found today is this girl: Tavi Gevinson. Somehow she has become a big deal in the fashion world. Even Yahoo did an article on her. I do love her witty tween charm though. I wish I was that innovative when I was 13. Maybe not with clothes, but definitely with the public relations side of things.
Which brings me to my next point. Is it so wrong that I wear clothes based on what other people think? I buy what's new and in the stores I like. I'm not a yard sale junkie nor a thrift store hound. Sure, I like vintage, but in a...revised...way? I really have nothing to add to this topic.
Not even kidding, this is the most stereotypical Japanese teen girl I have ever seen.
Since the NBA Finals, I have eaten pizza at least once a week. And I have probably had less than 5 banana splits since then. Which means I think my banana split craze has turned into a pizza craze. But banana splits are still amazing. And so is pizza. Maybe there's a way to combine both of them.
I think it's kind of weird that when amidst Christians, it's weird to bring up Christ out of nowhere. You'd think it would be ok at the very least, but apparently you're still crazy for talking about God in every day conversation.
And really, I have to agree with Alex that married people need to give it up and keep to their spouses. Today at work, I was doing an in-take with this woman who explained how her husband doesn't want to be married anymore because he's been having an emotional affair with another woman. What I really wanted to say was, "I am amazed that you would want to stick with someone who doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. You are awesome for believing in your temple covenants and I would hope that if I ever faced your situation, I would deal with it as gracefully as you are." But as a professional representing an agency, all I said were 3 words that came out awkward and misunderstood: "Wow, you're amazing."
So one of my friends was dating a total loser. The few of us who thought so would hum the chorus of this song whenever he came around. "Bop baa, bop baaa..." I know, I know. Passive aggressive and mean...and really funny. But that was when I was young and stupid. And this is when I write off my past as part of "growing up."
Did anyone else feel how cold it was today?
Monday, September 21, 2009
"M is for Martha" - The Accused
First and foremost, I'd like to dedicate this post to Andy. Mostly because he helped me discover the happy ending of what I'm about to disclose to you, tiny audience.
As a few of you know, I've always hated my name. I was made fun of it ever since I can remember, I've overheard way too many conversations of, "That's her name? Really?" and quite frankly, I've never been that excited that the only other girls alive with my name are 80+ years old or dead. I mean, surely there are a few names when you Google image search them, you get the following:
Martha is not the name that comes to mind when I think of sexy, good looking, funny, or just fun. No -ny, just f.u.n. Immediately I think of wrinkles, dusty fake flowers, pinched cheeks, wheelchairs, vibrant floral patterns, obesity, and stale twinkies from the snack drawer.
But you know what, it's not even about that.
This inner dislike for my name isn't even about the FACT that my name sake is forever rebuked in the Bible by Deity. If only my mom had chosen Mary, I'd be forever blessed and forever attached to the oldies group Peter, Paul, and Mary (yes, those are the names of my 2 brothers). Thank goodness for that song Leaving On A Jet Plane, right?
When it comes down to it, it's more about this FACT: I'm named after a bearded lady, also known as my great grandmother.
But whatever. I've been dealing with it for almost 23 years now. It's to the point where I've stopped wishing for a name change and I only think about it when someone mentions anything about my name. I've been getting a lot of, "Oh, I LOVE the name Martha!" comments lately. But I usually don't believe them, mainly because of the trend in baby names these days: completely made up or super old fashioned (i.e. Brashlynn and Eleanor).
So even though my name may be damned, bring images of haggish fat ladies to mind, or just remind you of me since I may be the only Martha from your generation that you know, there have been many a great band and songwriter that have sung about Martha.
And for your listening pleasure, here is the playlist I'd like to dedicate to...well, myself. It's my blog, and I do what I want.
Tom Waits - Martha
This may be the prettiest saddest song of all time. Proof. I wonder if this will happen to me someday. Me as Martha, not Tom Waits.
The Beatles - Martha My Dear
So catchy, such good advice for me right now.
Smashing Pumpkins - For Martha
Excellent, of course.
Loudon Wainwright III - Pretty Little Martha
Personal favorite.
The Allman Brothers - Little Martha
Beautiful instrumental.
The Accused - M is for Martha
Probably my favorite intro EVER. (I won't be offended if you turn it off right afterwards).
The Battle Royale - Oh Martha
Not half bad, really. And oh, the lyrics.
Neil Diamond - Kentucky Woman
This counts :)
As a few of you know, I've always hated my name. I was made fun of it ever since I can remember, I've overheard way too many conversations of, "That's her name? Really?" and quite frankly, I've never been that excited that the only other girls alive with my name are 80+ years old or dead. I mean, surely there are a few names when you Google image search them, you get the following:
Death
But you know what, it's not even about that.
This inner dislike for my name isn't even about the FACT that my name sake is forever rebuked in the Bible by Deity. If only my mom had chosen Mary, I'd be forever blessed and forever attached to the oldies group Peter, Paul, and Mary (yes, those are the names of my 2 brothers). Thank goodness for that song Leaving On A Jet Plane, right?
When it comes down to it, it's more about this FACT: I'm named after a bearded lady, also known as my great grandmother.
But whatever. I've been dealing with it for almost 23 years now. It's to the point where I've stopped wishing for a name change and I only think about it when someone mentions anything about my name. I've been getting a lot of, "Oh, I LOVE the name Martha!" comments lately. But I usually don't believe them, mainly because of the trend in baby names these days: completely made up or super old fashioned (i.e. Brashlynn and Eleanor).
So even though my name may be damned, bring images of haggish fat ladies to mind, or just remind you of me since I may be the only Martha from your generation that you know, there have been many a great band and songwriter that have sung about Martha.
And for your listening pleasure, here is the playlist I'd like to dedicate to...well, myself. It's my blog, and I do what I want.
Tom Waits - Martha
This may be the prettiest saddest song of all time. Proof. I wonder if this will happen to me someday. Me as Martha, not Tom Waits.
The Beatles - Martha My Dear
So catchy, such good advice for me right now.
Smashing Pumpkins - For Martha
Excellent, of course.
Loudon Wainwright III - Pretty Little Martha
Personal favorite.
The Allman Brothers - Little Martha
Beautiful instrumental.
The Accused - M is for Martha
Probably my favorite intro EVER. (I won't be offended if you turn it off right afterwards).
The Battle Royale - Oh Martha
Not half bad, really. And oh, the lyrics.
Neil Diamond - Kentucky Woman
This counts :)
Friday, September 18, 2009
"BAM-BA-LAM" - Ram Jam
I would just like to draw attention to National Geographic's Picture of the Day for July 20, 2009.
The Holi Festival in India:
The Holi Festival in India:
The Holi Festival in Utah:
Can't wait till next year.
I'm going to request we throw colors to some classic rock instead of the religious chant.
Sacrilege?
Perhaps.
But the flaming witch never looked so cool with that amazing Ram Jam rift in the background.
I'm going to request we throw colors to some classic rock instead of the religious chant.
Sacrilege?
Perhaps.
But the flaming witch never looked so cool with that amazing Ram Jam rift in the background.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
"It's a bittersweet symphony, this life" - The Verve
I have 6 insect bites, all of which have gradually appeared over the last few days. All of them can be found within the 3 inches of skin/muscle/tendon/bone labeled "ankle" that resides between the foot and lower leg.
I wear a t shirt, shorts, and flip flops every day. You'd think my culprit would want some variety.
I wear a t shirt, shorts, and flip flops every day. You'd think my culprit would want some variety.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
"You've been chosen as an extra in the movie adaptation of the sequel to your life." - Pavement
It's time for a life update. I mean, I haven't had internet for over 2 weeks now, and I know how you are all dying to know what I've been up to. As of today, I am the proud owner of a wireless router. I'm not sure when I started getting excited over electronics more so than Barbies, but...here we are.
I went longboarding for the first time ever this last weekend with my buddy Tyler. He got a board for me and we went up the canyon. It was surprisingly fun. I only fell once, and with no blood. I think my minimal snowboarding skills came into play tonight. It felt very similar...and now I have an even greater desire for the snow to come.
Speaking of snowboarding...I found the board of my dreams. I saw it in person last night and *gasp* it changes colors in the sun and there's a cool hologram on it you can't see very well in the picture.
I also learned how to play tennis this week. My brother and my friend Jason both spent some time teaching me. There is a rumor I may be a natural, however this is yet to be confirmed. I really did enjoy myself though. During a water break, Jason also taught me the beginning steps of how to juggle.
My new bishop has a garden and he gives my roommate and I about 4 gallons of vine ripe tomatoes every weekend. They're like candy, and naturally I have at least 4 a day. Basically, my immune system is unstoppable right now. I'm pretty sure if I kissed someone with mono or licked the floor I would be ok.
My friends and I are starting a weekly party schedule. This past week was Paige's Staring Contest party which was wildly fun, and if you're reading this, hopefully you were invited.
Next week or the week after I am having a house warming party, and it may or may not be a murder mystery dinner. I'm doing the research and I will get back to you. If you're still reading this, this is your invitation.
I now have justifiable reasons to obtain an iphone and I still can't bring myself to get one. Blast my economical conscience.
I wore a Brigham Young t-shirt today, and have never felt so proud. Provo exploded 2 weekends ago. Check out Alexandra's videos.
So, my ipod was stolen right? And my radio jack that goes with it. I was bummed because now I'd have to go and get another radio thing. However, as I was packing up my stuff to move last month, I found a tape deck converter which I completely forgot I owned. My mom made me this box full of my old electronic stuff 4 yrs ago, and there it was. So now I have a better ipod with now more music than I had previously (thanks to those who helped me retain my musical sanity - you know who you are) and a better way to play it in my car. Take that, theives.
The real story begins when I found my electronic box. Because tucked away for all these years has been these tapes that I recorded when I was in middle school. I recorded my favorite songs off the radio and so the last couple weeks I've been listening to these ancient tapes. I also found Ace of Base's The Sign album,
an album by *Savage Garden in Japanese,
the *Mermaids soundtrack (starring Cher),
and 1955 Greatest Hits, including songs as "Chantilly Lace" and "Who Wrote the Book of Love." I seriously feel like I've been blasting through my past via these tapes. I also found my old Giga Pet which I am going to resurrect as soon as I find the right battery, as well as this jade Buddha statue I've had since I was little that now resides on my desk.
Crazy.
*Not to be a reflection on my music taste: these were inherited tapes. You may, however, judge my music taste on this song. It changed my life. This moment occurred in high school: freshman biology, first period. Details include a barren beauty queen for a teacher, a dissected pig fetus, a gothic anarchist for a lab partner, and a boy named Graham Gordon who not only introduced me to Pavement and subsequently gave me all of their cds, but who shortly became my first high school crush.
I went longboarding for the first time ever this last weekend with my buddy Tyler. He got a board for me and we went up the canyon. It was surprisingly fun. I only fell once, and with no blood. I think my minimal snowboarding skills came into play tonight. It felt very similar...and now I have an even greater desire for the snow to come.
Speaking of snowboarding...I found the board of my dreams. I saw it in person last night and *gasp* it changes colors in the sun and there's a cool hologram on it you can't see very well in the picture.
I also learned how to play tennis this week. My brother and my friend Jason both spent some time teaching me. There is a rumor I may be a natural, however this is yet to be confirmed. I really did enjoy myself though. During a water break, Jason also taught me the beginning steps of how to juggle.
My new bishop has a garden and he gives my roommate and I about 4 gallons of vine ripe tomatoes every weekend. They're like candy, and naturally I have at least 4 a day. Basically, my immune system is unstoppable right now. I'm pretty sure if I kissed someone with mono or licked the floor I would be ok.
My friends and I are starting a weekly party schedule. This past week was Paige's Staring Contest party which was wildly fun, and if you're reading this, hopefully you were invited.
Next week or the week after I am having a house warming party, and it may or may not be a murder mystery dinner. I'm doing the research and I will get back to you. If you're still reading this, this is your invitation.
I now have justifiable reasons to obtain an iphone and I still can't bring myself to get one. Blast my economical conscience.
I wore a Brigham Young t-shirt today, and have never felt so proud. Provo exploded 2 weekends ago. Check out Alexandra's videos.
So, my ipod was stolen right? And my radio jack that goes with it. I was bummed because now I'd have to go and get another radio thing. However, as I was packing up my stuff to move last month, I found a tape deck converter which I completely forgot I owned. My mom made me this box full of my old electronic stuff 4 yrs ago, and there it was. So now I have a better ipod with now more music than I had previously (thanks to those who helped me retain my musical sanity - you know who you are) and a better way to play it in my car. Take that, theives.
The real story begins when I found my electronic box. Because tucked away for all these years has been these tapes that I recorded when I was in middle school. I recorded my favorite songs off the radio and so the last couple weeks I've been listening to these ancient tapes. I also found Ace of Base's The Sign album,
an album by *Savage Garden in Japanese,
the *Mermaids soundtrack (starring Cher),
and 1955 Greatest Hits, including songs as "Chantilly Lace" and "Who Wrote the Book of Love." I seriously feel like I've been blasting through my past via these tapes. I also found my old Giga Pet which I am going to resurrect as soon as I find the right battery, as well as this jade Buddha statue I've had since I was little that now resides on my desk.
Crazy.
*Not to be a reflection on my music taste: these were inherited tapes. You may, however, judge my music taste on this song. It changed my life. This moment occurred in high school: freshman biology, first period. Details include a barren beauty queen for a teacher, a dissected pig fetus, a gothic anarchist for a lab partner, and a boy named Graham Gordon who not only introduced me to Pavement and subsequently gave me all of their cds, but who shortly became my first high school crush.
Friday, September 4, 2009
"You know I hate to leave you" - The Beatles
I just wanted to say that my lack of internet has been the reason behind my lack of blogging. I'll be back, promise.
Love,
Me.
Love,
Me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)