"Don’t wanna fight me bro" - T.I.

*Oh my shiny stars! Forrest Griffin vs Anderson Silva?!



irrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtghrutghn

Oops, sorry, my head just landed on the keyboard.

Let's just say that if I had money to spend on a fight...this would be the fight.
I'm going to call it right now - Anderson Silva wins. I realize that I am picking a middleweight over a light heavyweight, but Anderson is just as big, just not as heavy. And more talented, in my humble opinion. Not that Forrest Griffin isn't talented, he is...he's just a little sloppy. I'd also like Anderson to come out to this song. It makes me a better skier - perhaps it will make him a better fighter. Not that he needs external assistance, the man is pure talent.



As I was continuing my perusing of Yahoo's main page, I came across this little diddy. What you see here is the list of Yahoo's top searches of the day April 29, 2009, as of 12:53 AM. I would first like to point out top search #1: the Swine Flu. I'm kind of tired of hearing about it. Every few hours for the last few days I have heard someone on the radio, someone on the street, a roommate, a kid walking by my window, the internet, or the TV talking about "blah blah blah swine flu blah blah blah." For frick sake people, get over it. Roughly 64 out of 304,059,724 people in America have died from it. More people have died from heart disease in the last few days than have from the swine flu. As a matter of fact, every second of every day, someone dies from heart disease. Believe it. Stop worrying about it, you fools.

I'd next like to point out top search #2: Carmen Electra, that washed up model from the late 80s/early 90s. She's 37. That is like 60 in Hollywood years. How is Carmen Electra still a hot item? How is she #2 to the supposed "leading" pandemic that is going on right now? "Well...it looks like I'm not going to die of swine flu anytime soon...gee, I wonder what Carmen Electra is up to these days." She's 37, and that makes me think that 30-60+ year old men are the ones looking her up. Goo.
Interesting facts about Carmen Electra, or should I say, Tara Leigh Patrick.
-- Grew up in Ohio and worked at King's Island (Love that place! **Crowd Oohs ...And will now forever remind me of Carmen's buns of steel. **Crowd Boos.)
-- She was in California auditioning for a girl's rap group when she met Prince who told her to change her name to Carmen Electra and do a solo album. I will admit that if Prince gave me a pseudoname I'd probably take it. Even if it was something ridiculous like Jenny Wetsizzle or Angel Shimmerthong.

I'm going to make a skip to #4: Unclaimed Money. Wow. Are we really that desperate? Or have I just been missing out this whole time on something amazing? Apparently I've been missing out. No unclaimed money for me though. Maybe you'll have better luck.

#5 is legit. I can see a bunch of immigrants looking up earthquakes to make sure their families left at home are ok.

#6: NASCAR. This one throws me for a loop. I suddenly question the average internet surfer's likes/dislikes.

So for my creative writing final, I was to bring drinks for our mini party. When I saw at the store that I had a choice between regular 7 Up and Cherry 7 Up with Antioxidants, I chose the latter. In my head, I realized that both were most likely nearly identical in nutritional value, yet my average, lazy consumer side sympathized with the desire to be healthy in the cheapest, easiest, fastest, and therefore false-ist, way. I'll admit it. I have fallen for the antioxidant trap, and apparently so has many other persons, making Antioxidants #7. I can see them now, "Now what does Antioxidants mean...?" Perhaps it's just a few more internet searches away before we all catch on, and the food companies will stop making bank off their one phrase "rich with antioxidants" on everything. I am pretty sure I saw icecream, cherry 7 Up, Windex and toilet paper with that phrase on the wrappers. I'm not falling for it anymore.

Child Obesity: #8. It's true. Our kids are fat. Apparently the great Obesity epidemic isn't over. (Warning: The video link is kinda dirrrttyy. Comedians can be sometimes.)

#10: Used RVS. I thought they stopped making them. Maybe that's why used ones are being searched out. Maybe those companies need to start making them again. Maybe RVS are the future.

So. What I've gathered is today's top web searchers consisted of a population of sex-driven men, most likely 30+ years old who are worried about their chances of getting the swine flu, (but really what carmen's doing in her spare time), becoming unsatisfied with how washed up she is and then looking for unclaimed money (because we're all broke nowadays anyway and in order to get a used RV for the the next NASCAR race extra cash would be helpful), all while listening to Ben Folds and making sure they're caught up on the latest gossip about Britney Spear's little sister for that long drive with their daughter, and information about Antioxidants and the latest on Mexico earthquakes (as reassurance that Grandma is ok) for when they need to talk to their wife when their daughter is awake, and Obesity when she's asleep in the back.


*Editor's note: I dedicate this post to Meg and Alex, who both pressed that I blog before sleepy.
**To be read as sound effects.