"Back in the saddle again" - Gene Autry

There was way too much butter on the popcorn and way too much popcorn. Add a large Dr. Pepper and you've got a recipe for a stomach ache that lasts the rest of the night.

My innards haven't felt this bad in a long time, and thus why I am still awake.

But on the brightside, Star Trek was well worth my $2 (not $1 as I no longer have a valid school ID) which reminds me that now is a good time to insert how grateful I am that I don't have school for the next year.

I love what I do, and it hit me today that I think a lot of people think school is an end in itself. I did. I used to think that my professors were members of the echelon of Intelligence, who if I could emulate in any way I would be set for life eternal. However, it has come to my attention that I have learned more life lessons in the last 2 weeks at my job than I can tie back to my classrooms. There really is worthy, equitable learning outside of school, dare I say it and fall great heights from the Ivory Towers in my educational background. The kids I deal with are constantly impressing me, no...shocking me that no matter what their circumstances, they are rising above it with the little they have. These kids, in a sense, are living the American dream. Unknowingly.

Switch gears.

Today, there were so many cars on the road I was actually feeling anxiety.
On the way home from work, there was not 1, not 2, but 3 accidents all at the same time, one traffic jam flowing into the next one.
Target ran out of floor space for notebooks, microwave ovens, and fans, so they took over some of the men's clothing department.
I almost hit 2 pedestrians.
I received several text messages about how crazy the Wilke was today.

...

Oh the beginnings of school years.
I can smell the freshly sharpened pencils, hear the squeaky new shoes on the tile floors, see the new haircuts, feel the air chilling 1 degree with every day, signifying it's almost time to bust out that college sweatshirt you stole from your boyfriend of 3 years ago and now only wear it to and from the gym, making up for your lack of sweatpants and ample bare leg.

Yet...a longing pause.
I feel like I could be missing out on something: the pompousness and inclusion of being a college student that is only earned from walking the sidewalks, going to classes, being seen at the library hunched over a computer, book, and/or table, having a distressed look on your face most of the time, and/or spotted running with a backpack slung over your shoulder. I will no longer be able to share that "oh crap" moment with a friend who also has a paper due at midnight, or stories of that quirky or insanely intelligent professor, or how you may have spotted your soulmate across the quad last week and then again today. No...I am no longer in the middle of this social world we know as College. When the crowd cheers and boos, I will be on the outskirts with ears only curious, like a security guard at a football game not allowed to leave his post by the parking lot. He never sees the actual play, but feels all the ramifications of it, including picking up the trash. There is no doubt that I will be caressing the emotional shoulders of many friends, saying, "It'll be ok...it's only a paper." If you, reader, will be one of those friends, to you I say in advance enjoy it while it lasts because one day you'll be where I am, just doing my job. Perhaps you'll love it, or not, but right now love that paper that is due at midnight.

"Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry" - Survivor

The only thing I can say about the following: why didn't I think of that?

Speaking of lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!), I learned I was born in the year of the Tiger. And not just any tiger--the Fire Tiger. The following is supposedly my personality outlook. I don't think I concur.

"Tiger people are sensitive, given to deep thinking, capable of great sympathy. They can be extremely short-tempered, however. Other people have great respect for them, but sometimes tiger people come into conflict with older people or those in authority. sometimes Tiger people cannot make up their minds, which can result in a poor, hasty decision or a sound decision arrived at too late. They are suspicious of others, but they are courageous and powerful. Tigers are most compatible with Horses, Dragons, and Dogs."

(For added effect.)

Regardless, from now on you may refer to me as Fire Tiger (rawr) and you better believe this is my theme song.

A few more notes on why 1986 is so fantastic:

• The energizer bunny was first introduced in 1986.
• Designated as International Year of Peace by United Nations.
  
• Computer-created Luxo, Jr. is first of Pixar's virtual studio films.
• The first celebration of Martin Luther King Day.
• At the movies: ET, Die Hard, Ghosts Busters, Gremlins, and Stand by Me.
• Japanese introduce Game Boy, with 8-bit operating system.
• The Space Shuttle Challenger exploded on January 28, 1986.
• Voyager 2 sends back images of Uranus, and who wasn't excited about that?!
  
• Cable shopping networks meet two public desires: TV and shopping.
• MCMLXXXVI is ridiculously long, I don't know what the Romans would do these days.
  
• Hailstones weighing 2.2 lb fall on the Gopalganj district of Bangladesh, killing 92.
• In Ukraine, one of the reactors at the Chernobyl nuclear plant explodes, creating the world's worst nuclear disaster. 56 are killed directly by the incident, many more die from cancer in later years, many thousands more are exposed to significant amounts of radioactive material, and vast territories in Ukraine and Belarus are rendered uninhabitable.
• In Louisville Kentucky, William J. Schroeder, the second artificial heart recipient, dies after 620 days (Woot, shout out to my crib).
• Cliff Burton, bassist for Metallica from 1982–1986, dies on the Damage Inc. tour in Europe after being crushed by Metallica's tour bus. Oh my gosh, right?
• The day I was born U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs the Goldwater-Nichols Act into law, making official the largest reorganization of the United States Department of Defense since the Air Force was made a separate branch of service in 1947.
• Mike Tyson wins his first world boxing title by defeating Trevor Berbick in Las Vegas.
• Nobel Peace Prize: Elie Wiesel, only one of the greatest human beings ever.
• Did I mention I was born?

Are you jealous yet?

"My heart is filled with peace" - Mormon Tabernacle Choir

As you may know, the Oquirhh Mountain Temple dedication was today. All of regular church was canceled in Utah due to the ceremony, which one had to have a temple recommend in order to attend. I find it interesting that for the first time ever (because church isn't usually canceled for a dedication), only worthy LDS members were allowed to attend church today. I find it very much like a less intense version of the parable of the 10 virgins.
There is no doubt in my mind that President Monson is the chosen prophet for today and Jesus Christ is the head of His church. I could feel the close relationship President Monson has with our Lord in his dedicatory prayer through word choice, his phraseology, his demeanor...you can just feel the Spirit testify over and over again that he is divinely inspired to lead us. I felt honored to be there to witness a prophet pray, and to appreciate the power of his priesthood and calling. I can't think of any other time outside a dedicatory prayer when I've heard a prophet pray. How humbling it is to hear him praying for me, beseeching the power of God to be with me in my life, guiding, protecting, leading me through my trials and successes. I love going to the temple, and it's so exciting to think of how wonderful it will be to finally go through all of it.

Oquirrh Mountain Temple. For more information and pictures, click here.

Here is a short, beautiful hymn performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, I Feel My Savior's Love. Nothing that happened today could be possible without the Atonement, which Jesus Christ performed out of pure love. There is so much to be grateful for that numbering my blessings seems trite. So, I'll let the music and lyrics sum it up for me.

Verse 1:
I feel my Savior’s love, in all the world around me. His Spirit warms my soul through everything I see.

Chorus:
He knows I will follow Him, give all my life to Him. I feel my Savior’s love, the love He freely gives me.

Verse 2:
I feel my Savior’s love, its gentleness enfolds me. And when I kneel to pray, my heart is filled with peace.

Verse 3:
I feel my Savior’s love and know that He will bless me. I offer Him my heart; My shepherd He will be.

Verse 4:
I’ll share my Savior’s love by serving others freely. In serving I am blessed, in giving I receive.




For more information on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, visit the following websites:
www.lds.org
www.mormon.org

"Have I found you flightless bird?" - Iron and Wine

At midnight, we decided we needed snacks. And then we decided we needed to drive the Alpine Loop. Without looking back, we made a playlist of 77 songs and only got through 32. We got out at the top and sat on Sargeant for a while. The few stars that found us were startled, I'm sure. I ate a plum while I listened. A brief dance party then commenced upon the introductory audio waves of Soulja Boy. The phrases "I wish I was black, Martha"and "You are a walking contradiction" were said at some point, and then Sargeant took us home. With all the wind, my face felt tingly and numb like it does after a motorcycle ride or speeding down a mountain on skiis. He said, "I don't know what that feels like," and I said, "You haven't lived."

"So far, I still know who you are" - Smashing Pumpkins

I'm sitting here watching Rhys Darby right now on comedy central, and I found this bit hilarious. Oh what the heck, watch this bit too.

But I can't stop thinking about my day today. I think it may have had a stronger impact than I thought. So of course, here I am blogging about it. (You know my journal is getting some serious silent treatment these days.)

Today after work I went to the adoptions agency to do my volunteer work. Today's assignment was to disassemble files from the late 90s. I got to read every detail I wanted about these kids who were placed for adoption. The weird thing is, they're all at least 10 by now.

There was one girl who got pregnant at 18 and the guy was 24. She wanted to get married but he didn't and told her if she didn't place the baby for adoption he would never talk to her again. So she did. In her records made by the caseworker, there was a description about how she really struggled about giving up her little girl. When it came time to sign the papers of releasing all parental rights, she started crying and said she couldn't sign just yet, that she needed time. The caseworker wrote that she waited outside the birth mother's room for 45 min until her mom came out and said she was ready. She explained it was the finality of all of it that made her scared and nervous but she knew she was doing the right thing. It broke my heart to think that this poor girl wanted to keep her baby and boyfriend, to start a family, and was flat out denied.

Another file I read was a girl who got pregnant while she was traveling through Kansas, and she didn't even know the guy's last name. He had no idea about a baby at all, and she said she wanted to be a single mom, at age 20. She had twins, Isaac and Isabel. She kept them for 2 1/2 years, and realized she couldn't take care of them. So she placed them. To this day, he has no idea. At least he didn't 3 years after the twins being placed.

There were stories of parents who didn't want their kids anymore for one reason or another, stories of rape, of one night stands being quite more serious than expected...and the list just goes on. I was teary eyed for a good 2 hours straight. I couldn't help but put myself in every one of their situations and contemplate what I would do. I just don't know. Being involved with kids in state custody and working with foster families every day has completely opened my mind to adoption and being a foster parent one day. Not that I shut out, I just never thought of it before. I have so much respect for these families that I work with. They serve every day. Their lives are not their own, and I feel honored to work with them. To me, they live a Christ-like life for dedicating their time and resources to helping youth who have been in trouble and are trying to get back on their feet.

2 hours of being teary eyed was kind of a trip, because with every file it started sad, but by the end of the file I was usually grasping my throat area with a huge smile on my face going, "Yay!" The happy tears came from reading about all the families who were so grateful for the children that were given to them. I read a ton of thank you letters, and each one was so special, so full of gratitude, and it occurred to me that adoption is just one step in the process of creating eternal families. Sure there are some dark clouds associated with it, but in the end, it's nothing but sunny skies. I talked to several caseworkers today as well about their job of matching families with children, and each one was incredibly willing to tell me how much they LOVE their job.

I may have found my new chosen profession. Oh grad school, you elude me. I haven't given up on you. I'm coming.

For my music selection this post, I figured I'd be straight forward. I haven't been for a while, so why not. I present to you my favorite song by Smashing Pumpkins: Perfect. So underrated. I discovered this fact and connected with this song on my solo 8 hr. drive down to EFY, and well...I'm not over it yet. The lyrics haunt me.

"Our love is here to stay" - Ella Fitzgerald

Often when I was a child, I never had the remote. When we were all sitting around the TV to lose our minds, to catch up on our TV shows or sports as it were, my shows were not choice #1, or #2, or #5 in the company of my sport addict family. But on the rare occasion that my parents were upstairs, and both brothers were playing outside or playing NBA Live in the bedroom, and the off chance that I was even interested in the TV, I most often chose to watch Cinderella.

She's always been my favorite princess. I think it started with my fascination of identifying with beautiful women who were blonde. (Naturally, I gravitated to Barbie, too.) Usually if there is a competition between a brunette and a blonde, all other things being equal, I'm voting for the blonde. I'm not really sure when that started. In child development, they say your understanding of who you are begins with looks, before you can talk. Not sure how soon, but obviously later you can make connections to other people and yourself on a deeper level. For example, Cinderella had 2 siblings who hated her, and at age 5, I considered my 2 brothers my equivalent of 2 evil step-sisters. She was ordered around to do chores by her step-mom, and before I could play with my friends, I had to get my chores done around the house. I distinctly remember one Saturday morning when I had to empty the dishwasher, I started singing, "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, night and day it's Cinderelly - wash the dishes, do the laundry..." and before I could say anything else my mom spanked me and told me to be grateful I was learning how to clean.
And how about being screwed over just when everything is going so well? I think everybody has an "it's over at midnight" experience.
Not only did Cinderella and I have siblings, chores, and midnight in common, she could talk to animals. Not that I'm schizophrenic, but my journal at age 7 is filled with wishes and dreams of talking to animals. Every birthday candle, every Christmas list, every shooting star and every discovered eyelash was dedicated to wishing for a dog. Basically, all I ever wanted was a pet. I believed Cinderella's mantra: "No matter how hard your heart is beating, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." And you know what? It worked. I didn't get Freddy till I was 10, but we've been soul mates ever since.

2010 Webster's Dictionary definition of adorable (adj.) Freddy, Jack Russell Terrier. (see picture)

Then, Cinderella has a fairy god-mother who grants her the most beautiful dress of all time, she dances with the hottest, richest guy in the kingdom, AND she is sustained and redeemed by her friends in her time of need to live happily ever after.

I mean, look at that flawless complexion and godly physique!

It's a story of justice, good triumphing over evil, of true love. Her friends, the little mice, almost die trying to rescue her. Her prince doesn't rest until he finds her again, to love and cherish her forever (skip to 3:20) because he knows she's one in a million, that he'll never find another girl like her, that she's probably the best girlfriend there ever was. Her asanine step-mom's antics were put to a halt, and her retarded step sisters are publicly embarrassed. Simply put, I consider the movie to be completely relate-able to my life, past and future alike.

But you're right. I'm an unrealistic sap.

"Let's change the way we treat each other" - Tupac

Just say this phrase out loud once and realize that you'll probably never approach being able to say it 3 times fast:

"Three Swedish switched witches watch three Swiss Swatch watches switches. Which Swedish switched witch watch which Swiss Swatch watch witch?"

Q: Do you know any hard tongue twisters in other languages? Anyone?

This week at work has been simply amazing. I'm already learning so much. I watch over 4 girls, all 18 or under, who have been through challenges that I never ever want to face in my life. My anger management class hasn't started yet, but I'm already gathering ideas. I'm actually really excited about it. I met all the kids on Monday at their group therapy, and they're way nice. Apparently it's not just boys, either. Life is great, and I hope you're thankful for your family and friends. I learned about the LDS adoption agency too. You should see how many couples are on the wait list to adopt. I mean, really. There are 5 binders, each one is about 4" thick, and they're overflowing with couples' information. For the first time, I realized just how many couples can't have kids. They say it's a lot, but wow, it really IS a lot. And I only saw how many couples want to adopt in Utah with this one agency and this one agency's office--not even the couples who haven't signed up, or those with other agencies, and other offices, and outside of Utah. *mind explosion

Today's song: Changes by Tupac. We listened to this song in Thinking Errors group therapy. The kids had to find all the thinking errors in the lyrics. I'm telling you, my job rocks.